Pin Sins...again.

I'm really proud of the Pinterest population. I have been hoping to do a Pin Sins post for quite a while, but wasn't able to find enough material. Thankfully, the weather has changed and people are starting to pin more. Case in point... 

Pin Sins

Today you're having happy hour with her, the aspiring Pinterest Mom

Pin Sin: Stylin’ Styles

As a braider myself, I feel like I have the authority to point out that if you aren't going to part right, then don't bother styling the hair. You wanted to do a criss-cross part, but you failed. Also, you get minus 20 points because the little girl has FINE, STRAIGHT HAIR. Then you throw in accessories galore and I can't sit with you. I understand the urge to let you child have creative freedom with their hair. Little miss often requests more hair clips and this is when I, as her parent and life guide, let her know that we need to max out at two headbands or two bows or two barrettes...and don't even try to sneak one of these in:

For the next styles I just want it to be known that I will never cosign on hair that looks like things (i.e. flowers/cinnamon rolls or ladders/boredom). Those did take both talent and patience though and it looks like the second person may be of age to consent to the hairstyle, so it's not the braiders fault...it's yours for pinning it. 

Pin win: There are actually a ton of good braids to be found on Pinterest and I appreciate the help. The curling tutorials need to stop though because they play with my emotions...my hair will not curl no matter how easy you make it look, Pinterest!

Pin Sin: Birthing Gowns

I believe this was captioned with something like, "cutest birthing gown I've seen so far". You want to know what's not cute? Giving birth. Here's an idea...do not worry about what you will be wearing when you push a child out of your vagina. You are going to be hot (I mean your temperature, lady), probably sweaty, in pain and you are going to get blood on that "cute birthing gown" if it even manages to stay on. The reason why most women look naked or half out of their hospital-supplied gown is because they are...because they are giving birth. Pinterest, this is no time to spread unrealistic expectations to pregnant women! They have plenty of those to deal with right now!

Pin Win: I'm going to let you in on a well kept secret that I haven't found on Pinterest yet. Curl your hair the week yu're due (I know you're trying to pass time) or through contractions while you try to waste time before heading to the hospital like I did, have you husband bring your mascara in his pocket and when you're done giving birth to a child and have wiped the tears off your face (ask for a baby wipe) and the other stuff off your body (you did just put a bloody baby on your chest after all), reapply the mascara and take a picture with your cleaned off, freshly bundled, beautiful baby. Oh, and spend your money on a Belly Bandit (or other girdle) instead. You're welcome. 

Pin Sin: Quotes like this...

So we're clear- this isn't beautiful, it’s creepy. When someone tells you to go away, GO AWAY. Refusing to let someone go that is sending you away is desperate, not romantic. Pinterest is full of quotes that justify an unhealthy relationship. See post “to the left, to the left” for more on those…

Pin Win: You can find plenty of really good quotes on Pinterest…just please do not tell me that it came from Will Smith or Marilyn Monroe because there is no way that EVERY quote known to man came from two people.

Pin Sin: Holiday Overkill

I see myself decorating like this in a Santa turtleneck and reversible holiday vest. I almost want to do this at home just to see my husbands face as he walks through the door.

Pin Win: There are lots of great holiday DIY projects and decorating ideas on Pinterest, but just remember you don’t have to do all of them in the same year…in this same room…in the same corner.  

Pin Sins: Blue Glow in the Dark Contacts 

This caption read, “I already have blue eyes but I need these!!” 

First- your need to tell the world that you have blue eyes makes me feel the need to congratulate you, but I’m not sure why. It reminds me of when I had to ask eye color for a survey and people felt the need to comment that their eyes change color depending on what they’re wearing. Okay, that’s a really fun fact, but your eyes can be classified as a color and I need to know what that is to mark this box…so…

Second- why do you need glow in the dark contacts?
Third- why are people pinning this?!?!

Pin Wins: No idea…but her eyes are already blue, so I think she already won. 

Pin Sins: Baby Moccasins

I'm going to get it for this one, but I just do not understand the hype with baby moccasins. They are not cute. I see that they're functional...in a way, but who is telling the world that these are cute?! Oh yes, the Kardashians. I can work with moccasins for a toddler or little girl, but I am not about the baby mocc. I feel the same way about them as I felt about Crocs...and that's that they shouldn't exist. 

Pin Win: You have a cute baby to put ugly shoes on? Okay fine, I admit I've seen some super cute and creative Halloween costume ideas for babies on Pinterest. Maybe moccasins can be incorporated into your baby's costume...and then put in a dress up box...or thrown out. 

You know one of the ultimate Pin Wins? Recipes! One of the drinks I plan on making for Thanksgiving is pictured below :) More on that later. Until next time....

Cheers!

To the left, to the left

I’m going to try not to beat myself up about the fact that I am not posting nearly as much as I would like to/should. Some days I feel like given another hour I could solve world peace and other days I feel that given another hour it would just be spent with Cam and Mitch. That’s life though, right? It can’t be just me. One day you’re super productive and the next you’re just as productive as you have to be to call it a day. Lately I've been very hard on myself. I know, I know…surprising isn't it? A woman that’s hard on herself? It’s funny how everything and nothing changes at the same time. I've always been hard on myself. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’m comfortable being a constant work in progress. It makes me a better person in a lot of ways- always striving to be better than I was yesterday. It also makes it pretty hard to tell me something about myself I don’t already know. Yes, I’m a walking contradiction. I’m a dreamer and a realist. I’m opinionated and open minded. I’m bold and sensitive. I am a strong woman and I call my husband my king. I remember when I used to be hard on myself in the worst way though… when I would question my worth because of how a guy did or didn't feel about me. It makes me cringe when I think about that time and the wonderful days and nights I wasted feeling bad and putting way too much thought into someone that just wasn't right for me. Notice I didn't say said person/people are bad…they aren't. Well wait, one was a pretty bad guy, but I was also a girl with very selective hearing and memory. That combination is a ticking time bomb and when it blows up a lot of girls end up looking crazy…some even act crazy. I just looked dumb- ignoring a million red flags, naively believing in things that I shouldn't have, forgiving AND forgetting. I've had a lot of conversations that remind me of this time in my life. It’s almost a rite of passage- being blindly in love with someone. It’s also really hard to watch. I’m not sure how some women get lucky and avoid this period of their life, I've heard it’s by having a father that is very present and very loving, but I’m not about to blame daddy issues on my need for validation from all the wrong places. That would be too easy and I think people spend too much time giving blame for their weaknesses and/or wrongdoings instead of just owning them. By owning them, we grant ourselves the power to overcome them. Ultimately, this is your life to live and your love to have with someone…don’t give that power to anyone else but yourself. 

Today you’re having happy hour with her, the friend

When I say friend- I mean real friend…the kind that tell you the truth because they love and respect you and want the best for you. Don’t get me wrong, a real friend is also the kind that understands that sometimes people have to learn their own lessons. I was offered some amazing advice and rejected most of it. Don’t do what I did. Listen to good advice. One step away from a bad relationship is one step closer to a good one. I know, but you want a good relationship with him. Well, respecting yourself is one step closer to that, too.

Below you will find the love lessons I learned over the years. There is nothing worse than the preaching married woman when you’re single, I get that. It’s why I didn't originally post this. Then I thought about it and realized there isn't a “right” person to hear it from. You just need to hear it. I’m not pitying you, I’m not telling you I have it all figured out…I’m simply sharing what I've learned and hoping I can save you the time, energy, money (trips and alcohol can really add up) and pain it cost me to learn them. Another reason I want to share these lessons is because I've also learned that finding the right man can be hard, but marriage is harder. That’s why you want to make sure you invest in the right person for you, one that is deserving of all the love you will give them and one that is ready to put in as much work as you are. Marrying the right person, my person, was the best decision I ever made. Choosing the wrong person will make everything else infinitely more difficult….so don’t do it!

A man that loves you isn't going to let you go
We have all heard this, but it’s because its true- a man that loves you wouldn't risk losing you for anything. He just needs space? It’s not the right time? He wants to live a little before he settles down? No, he wants to see if there is something better out there and/or he’s not entirely happy with you. I know that hurt to hear, but the good news is- it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't change how absolutely amazing you are. Most people only marry 1-2 people in their lifetime, so you are going to be wrong for most of the people you date. Don’t take it that personal. I remember I was talking to a guy friend of mine about Mystery Man when we were broken up (probably for like the 7th time, no red flag there) and I told him that I just felt like MM and I were meant to be together and he told me, “if he thought you were meant to be together, you would be together…it’s not that complicated for guys”. Along these lines…

Men know how to treat you
Don’t let them fool you; a man knows how to treat a woman. They may not know the exact way you like to be loved (aka “love language”), but they know when to call and text, they know a girl wants to go on dates and they know we like to know they’re thinking of us…it’s not rocket science. If he isn't treating you like a girlfriend it’s because he doesn't want you to be in a relationship with you. If he isn't calling you his girlfriend to other people, it’s because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If you've been “hanging out” for months and think it’s about time to have that talk- it’s not. You don’t need to have “the talk” with a guy that wants to be with you. He’s going to make sure you know that he wants to be with you. Have you ever heard of “the talk” going well? If you have to ask, you already know you’re answer. He may sugar coat it, but it will still end with you not being his girlfriend. That sounded harsh, but it is the most time and emotion-saving lesson to learn. They aren't just really busy with work. They aren't just really busy with friends. They just don’t want to be in a relationship with you. (This is when my best friend would start singing “onto the next one, onto the next one” and we’d go out.)

Men want to involve you in their life
Men that are serious about you want you to be a part of their life. They want you to hang with their friends, they want you to meet their family, and they want to be a part of yours. ‘If you are a secret, please know that you’re probably not the only one.” (Follow @TonyGaskins on insta!)

Men know when you’re locked in.
Oh you've let him cheat or lie or break up with you a million times and you still take him back? You think that makes him appreciate how much you love him, but really it just lets him know what your limits are…and he knows that you don’t have one when it comes to him. He can do whatever he wants and you’ll still take him back. You may think this makes you a loyal woman, but it also makes you a doormat. I’m speaking as a former doormat, so I’m not judging you. I just want you to know that he’s not just treating you poorly; you’re letting him treat you poorly. You deserve to be treated well. Another great piece of advice I received was that being treated well should be the bare minimum. If he doesn't even treat you well then why the heck are you with him? And I mean CONSISTENTLY treating you well. He’s nice for a week and then ignores you the next week? “Boy, Bye.”

Just because they come back, doesn't mean they love you.
From what I've seen, men come back to women for one of three reasons- they love them, it’s convenient/he’s lonely or the sex is good/easy. If they love you, they will come back and treat you like it. If it’s convenient and/or he’s lonely, he will come back but nothing will change. If the sex is good/easy, they won’t commit but will try to make the grey area after a break up last as long as possible. I know, I know…but you want to have sex, too. You know what feels better than sex with an ex? Knowing you have something that they want but can’t have AND moving on. I think ex sex is a terrible, terrible idea. Do not let someone break up with you and then still reap the benefits of being with you. Don’t make them feel like it was that good, ladies! There are plenty of other willing options in the world and if you aren't up for adding another number to your list (safely!) that does not mean you should relinquish your goods to the person that just said everything else isn't worth the effort. If a man wants you back, watch carefully (don’t bother listening…see below). I "got back" almost every guy that broke up with me and I could probably write a 'how-to" post on it, but just don't bother. Don't try to play the game right so they come back. Ex them out of your life and move on...you only want them to come back if it's for the right reasons. I hear the right reasons are out there and I've seen friends get back with their man and end up happy. I just ended up prolonging the break up and wasting more time.

Men love in action
I think it’s pretty clear by now, but men that love you- treat you like they love you. Watch how they treat you, don’t listen to what they say (I mean listen to the good ones, but you know what I mean) because…

Players sell dreams
I remember I used to justify a lot of MMs actions because of what he would tell me. I mean, who would look another person straight in their eyes and tell them they loved them if they didn't? Who would make empty promises? I’m honest to a fault, so I just couldn't comprehend someone telling me so many sweet things if they weren't true. I used to think that players were just the kind of guys that went through a lot of women, but there are plenty of guys that will be upfront with you and tell you that they aren't looking for a relationship and just want to have fun- those aren't players. Players play you…and they play you by telling you whatever they have to in order to keep you happy so they can do whatever they want.

Men will deny, deny, deny…
Go with your gut, most guys aren't going to tell you that your suspicions are correct because they will wait until there is absolutely no way out. There isn't much more to say other than our intuition is a gift. Plus, if you’re waiting for someone to clue you in know that people probably won’t tell you…no one wants to get involved and you probably won’t listen anyway.

And finally,
You marry the man you date
Nope, he doesn't go through some huge transformation as you place the ring on his finger. The man that treated you terribly while you dated isn't going to suddenly treat you like his queen. You teach each other how you expect to be treated when you’re dating. I've heard a couple guys say they are single until they are married, meaning that once they are married they will treat their lady right. I always wonder how they expect a woman to want to marry them if they treat her wrong for so long. I also always wonder how long that marriage would last- 2 years...maybe 7 depending on if there are kids involved? Ladies, marrying you is an honor and a huge responsibility. You want to be sure the man you marry has your back, respects you, is your best friend and is in love with you. How can you be sure of this if he’s disrespected you throughout your months/years together?


I remember the last thing I said to MM was, “I’m not THAT stupid,” as I hung up the phone. Later that morning a bunch of his lies came to light (remember, what is done in the dark ALWAYS comes to light) and it just hit me…he thinks I’m that stupid and I gave him every reason to. I wish I could say it was like a light bulb went off, but it was more like a ton of bricks fell on top of me. I looked at the calendar and realized I had been dealing with this for two plus years and it was the same situation I was in when we first started dating. I was the best friend to him, I had his back and loved him unconditionally…and he treated me worse than any person in my entire life. I let him. Don’t waste years of your life giving someone the best of you when they don’t deserve it. Instead:

1. Pray.

2. Hang with your best friends…and wine.

3. Travel…with your best friends…and wine.

4. Watch Modern Family, Ellen and/or The Real …with your best friends…and wine.

5. Get up and get ready- I know, but I’m serious….looking good feels good

6. Delete him from everything. For so many reasons…

• Let him miss you
• You aren't going to see anything that makes you feel better 
• If he wants to reach you, he will find a way
• He doesn't need to know what you’re up to- mystery is good.
• He knows you’re hot
• It’s really obvious when you’re posting to make him jealous and it gives him power

7. Work out…my body was always it’s best after a break up (Don’t get any ideas, husband.) and it felt sooooo good. Plus- endorphins help.

8. Think- what would Beyonce do? Listen to a LOT of Beyonce....with your friends...and wine.

9. Happiness is the best revenge. You don’t need to hit low blows or remind him how wonderful you are or be crazy…in fact, don’t. Be classy. Have grace. Move on. He lost a best friend and good woman that treated him well and you lost a dude that treated you poorly most of the time. Who really lost in this situation? Learn what you can from it, move on and go be happy. That happiness might soon include a very attractive best friend. One that you will fall madly in love with and build an amazing life and family with…don’t settle.

10. Know you are a blessing, not a burden. No one is doing you a favor by hanging out with you (unless you are in a room with Beyonce right now...), so if you start feeling like you have to entertain someone then drop them and start back at #1...with friends...and wine. 

I love you, beautiful woman. 

Cheers! 

 

(look, you're so hot you lit this martini I got from Pinterest on fire.)

Isaiah Ralphal

I feel like every time I start to talk about my son, a million clichés come out of my mouth. What they tell you about motherhood, especially the stuff they tell you about mothers and sons…it’s all true. It’s like you literally give birth to your heart…too graphic? Well, as we’ve all heard, having a child is like having your heart running around out of your body. Being Isaiah’s mommy has been one of my biggest blessings and there are no words that can effectively describe the love I have for him. That being said, you know I’m going to try! Being his mama is in one word- overwhelming. Let me elaborate…

Today you’re having happy hour with her, the mommy.

I never knew fear until I became (step) mommy.  I never knew overwhelming fear until I became a mommy. Not because there is any difference in my love for Taylah and Isaiah (more on that in a later blog), but because I’ve had moments of being helplessly and utterly terrified with Isaiah. I’ll never forget the first time I woke up to his seizing body by my side, knowing in the dark room in the dead of night  instinctively that he was having a seizure while simultaneously grabbing my phone, turning on the lights, stripping off his clothes, waking up Tristan and dialing 9-1-1. I didn’t even have the words for prayers; I just kept repeating “I love you. I love you. Mommy and Daddy are right here. We love you,” over and over again. I knew that God knew my prayers. I knew that God didn’t need the words because he knew my heart. I’ll never forget looking at my husband and seeing, for the first time, fear. I’ll never forget the way Isaiah moaned after his seizure, exhausted, and how haunting it felt to be singing a lullaby as I rocked my child to the sounds of an ambulance on its way and his moans. Isaiah, baby, you’ve taught me overwhelming fear. Not because you’re the scary monster you pretend to be with your sister, but because my love for you will always be my ultimate vulnerability.  

I never knew my own strength until I became his mommy. My family’s well-being is my number one priority and if they’re good, I’m good.  Stress from work, eh. Stress from school, eh. Stress from money, eh.  As long as when I walk through the door, my healthy kids run to hug me and my husband greets me with his handsome smile and loving kiss, everything else is relative.  I fully admit I sometimes crumble in defeat, like after I nearly had a panic attack because baby boy choked on something for like two seconds about a week after his first seizure. I went in the other room once I knew he was fine and completely broke down. T came in and I just looked at him and shrugged. I didn’t have to explain, he already knew exactly how I was feeling (see vulnerability above). Even in those moments of overwhelming fear, my love for my son has given me strength. Through the pokes, the tests, the fevers, the ambulance rides, the frustrated cries of not being able to do something sissy can do, the loud vacuum and hair dryer, the scary dinosaur book, the strangers that touch his hair (don’t do it…I will give you the fiercest mom look you’ve ever seen in your life)…I have been his safe place. I have been his strength. The irony is that he is why I am strong. When I look at him, there is nothing I can’t do. When Isaiah was born, my responsibility for him and his well-being inspired me to always be my best self. If I’m going to tell him that he can achieve anything by working hard and believing in himself, then I need to show him that myself. If I want him to know that he can get through anything, then you better believe that I’m going to get through anything thrown at me. If I want him to have faith in God and love himself, than I will trust in God and love myself. If I want him to be courageous enough to take on the world, than I better admit when I’m nervous and show him that it doesn’t have to stop us. Isaiah, baby, you’ve taught me to be strong. Not because I can protect you from the roaring vacuum and carry you for hours in heels, but because my love for you is more powerful than anything this world can throw at us.

The joy I feel when I am with my family is overwhelming. From the first moment I heard his heartbeat, I felt joy. I felt it when I got the butterflies that later turned into hard, strong kicks from inside my belly. I felt it every time he got hiccups and every time he responded to his daddy’s voice. I felt it when I placed him on my chest and heard his first cries. I felt it when I saw his daddy holding him and give him his first kiss. I felt it when he immediately opened his mouth to talk to his grandma and I felt it when he wouldn’t stop staring at his sissy. I felt it when he would fall asleep to my horrendous rendition of every R&B and country song I could think of. I felt it when he nuzzled into my neck and with each sporadic limb flail and coo. I felt it when he began to reach out for me and when he started saying ‘mama’ much earlier than they said he would. I felt it when he started to giggle and, especially, when lala was eliciting the laughs. I felt it when he first demonstrated compassion and with each healing hug and kiss he has given ever since. I felt it when he said his first words (gank goo/thank you) and I feel it each time he still insists on calling his shoes ‘gagas’ even if he definitely knows they’re called shoes. I feel it when he asks for cuddles and each time he holds my ear to fall asleep. I feel it when he copies his daddy and every time he reaches for his hand to hold. I feel it when he does his tough walk and his cool walk and, especially, his dancing walk. I feel it when every time someone has their phone out and he poses. I feel it when he insists it’s “I TURN” and returns his best version of the mom look….which is eerily accurate because he has my eyes…another thing that gives me overwhelming joy.  I feel it when I see his eyes light up to the mention of his “boppa” and that he runs to his uncles with his own sense of overwhelming joy. I feel it when he asks me if my meals are “good?” and holds his fork in one hand as he eats with his other. I feel it when he brings me books to read and laughs as I speed read because he likes turning pages and pictures more than stories these days. I feel it when he tells me “I, too” (his version of I love you taken from “I love you, too”) and when he says “nigh nigh lala”. I feel it when he gets his shoes and tells his dad “bye bye” when we’re all about to run errands because he wants it to be just mommy and zaybaby time. I feel it when he gives me kisses when I leave for work and his “hiii mama” over and over again when I call on my breaks. I feel it every day. I feel it all day. Isaiah, baby, you’ve taught me joy. Not because we’ve done everything right and every moment is easy, no, not because there are no dark moments, but because even in those dark moments, I have your light.

I feel eternally grateful to be his mommy and I can’t believe the lessons he’s taught me in just two years. Every part of my life is richer and deeper, yet every part of my life is lighter and sweeter. Motherhood is a crazy thing. It’s absolutely everything it’s cracked up to be, and more. My love for him is overwhelming. Isaiah, baby, you’ve taught me to love. Not because I didn’t love your daddy and sissy as much before you and not because I don’t love them just as overwhelmingly as I love you, but because you made me a mommy. I became your mommy on August 11^th at 3:35pm after a “textbook” pregnancy and labor (thank you), though I really believe I became your mommy 39 weeks before that. I always knew I would be a mother. Surprisingly, I also always knew I would love a child that was not biologically mine as my own (though I always thought it would be through adoption).What I didn’t know is what that would REALLY feel like. It feels overwhelming- in every sense of the word.

Happy 2^nd Birthday, Isaiah Ralphal. I will love you forever. 

My daddy taught me how to love my haters...

We all know that moment. We’re scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and BAM! That chick posted another picture of her healthy ass meal as I sit here enjoying my second serving of _________ (candy, wine, chips...all of the above). Then I scroll back up and I see:

Today you're having happy hour with her, the friend-

Here’s the thing...

I get it.

I understand that I post a lot of pictures of my freaking adorable children. Children that are ridiculously perfect. I’m talking well-behaved, smart, compassionate, thoughtful, silly kids. Does my son have to be forcefully removed from me, like my boots when I was pregnant? Yes. Does Taylah have some sass? Yes (that’s apparently a nurture vs. nature trait…). Do they literally MEAN MUG people that compliment them and say hello? Yes.

I understand that I speak highly of my marriage…a marriage that we work our asses off to make happy and fulfilling for both of us. Are there hard times? Yes. Are there ugly arguments? Yes. Do I constantly forget to close cabinets? Yes. Did I ruin a third of his t-shirts in the laundry? Yes.

The hardship in our lives doesn’t make the good moments any less beautiful. It makes them more beautiful. The fact that my kids don’t act perfectly all the time doesn’t make them any less perfect. The fact that T and I have overcome some serious issues together and the one thing that has never wavered is our loyalty to one another is what makes me even more proud of our marriage. Is my life perfect? NO. Would I put all the negative things in our lives out there? HELL NO. Why would I give the negative stuff that much air time? Let me be clear. Life has not always been an easy ride. Some of the hardship I went through was self-inflicted, some wasn’t. I have remained grateful throughout my life and it is the reason I can be happy in the hard times. I want to celebrate that for this moment, life is GOOD. Apparently I’m not alone. There are good things happening in a lot of people’s lives. So, when I see a post like this, I feel a bit like we all felt when this happened: 

Like, you may have a valid point, but why do you feel the need to hate on someone’s moment?

I think you should honestly ask yourself why seeing someone else in a good space is making you upset. I get some people may be full of shit, but who cares?!  They might just be able to look past the hardship and see how absolutely blessed they are. You just look a little resentful from where I’m sitting… which is 20 lbs heavier than I want to be with medical bills surrounding me from a head injury, multiple seizures and diagnostic imaging for an upcoming surgery, in an apartment that I wish had a big yard. My son is in our bed right now, a bed that is broken.  My daughter is at her mommy’s, like she is for half of the holidays. We just bought a new kitchen table this weekend and the chair that I’m sitting in is already damaged. I could go on, but why? Why give this stuff air time? Life is not perfect. Of course it’s not perfect. It’s never going to be perfect. But you know what? When baby boy and little girl are cracking up and holding hands in the back seat- it feels perfect. When my husband and I meet eyes from across the room when our daughter says she wants to be a fire engine when she grows up when she meant to say fire fighter- it feels perfect. When my son holds my face and says “I, too” (I love you, too)- it feels perfect. When I get a weekend to BBQ and play games with my family- it feels perfect. When I spend the afternoon laughing my ass off with my girls and drinking too many mojitos- it feels perfect.  

Celebrate the good times. Those that genuinely want the best for you, will be celebrating with you. They will be happy you shared that moment with them. It will make them feel closer when they can’t be.  We all know life is not all good times, have your moments and let others have them, too. You have no idea what fight they are fighting behind closed doors. Plus, if they posted about that, you would probably resent them for that, too:

Once again, CHILL OUT. It’s okay. Let them be happy. Let them post about their healthy ass meal- they made an extremely difficult lifestyle change and they are proud of themselves, as they should be. Plus, they had to eat that for lunch and it looks foul. Let them be happy about having a good man- they finally got out of the terrible relationship they were in for far too long…and now you don’t have to hear them complain about the same thing over and over again. Let them talk about how awesome their kids are- they should love their kids, they are creating the future and you want them to raise good humans. Let them post about their vacation- they have always wanted to travel and finally get to. Let them post that selfie- they just took a really good picture...and if they're anything like me, that took like 10 takes. Live and let live. Your shade isn't going to dim their light; it's just going to keep you in the dark. I do like your sass, though. Keep the sass, lose the hate. 

CHEERS! 

*** SIDE NOTE: I was cracking up because I literally got texts last week from people thinking I was hitting up happy hour every evening. As fun as that would be, my family is more fun…and important. I thought I should let the world know- the pics are saved (like the cosmo above from this weekend). I am probably getting happy hour this week though because…

…or actually because I haven't gotten together with my girls in way too long. Pictures will likely be posted- think of it as homework for the haters ;)

Pin Sins

I adore Pinterest...especially now that I'll have a little bit more time on my hands. I can't say that I've done anything other than look at about 80-85% of my pins, but that's a B and I'll take it. I also love Pinterest because it's absolutely ridiculous. Case in point- pin sins.

If you are an adult and are wearing a freaking tutu, I don't even know what to say to you. Can I even be real with you? You are not a little girl anymore. The only time it's remotely appropriate for you to be wearing a tutu past elementary age is if you are playing with your child who is of elementary age. I get it- you're feminine and have a child-like spirit, so wear pink or wear a headband or just wear the polka dot top. But please, save the tulle for your daughter. If you HAVE to wear the tulle skirt, we can still be friends...just don't complain to me about your adult boyfriend playing video games. (Pin Win: everything else!)

Ultimately, Pinterest is not to blame for this one....Rihanna and Miley Cyrus are. That being said, WHO IS PINNING THIS?! Why are bowl cuts coming back?! They need to stay where they belong- with the JNCOS, Lee Pipes and my dreams of being the fourth member of Salt n Pepa. If bleaching your eye brows and getting a bowl cut is high fashion, you can find me at Target. Who am I kidding? You can find me there anyway...(Pin Win: hair cut and color ideas...that aren't bowl cuts)

Okay, I admit that this stuff is adorable. I'm sure little girl and baby boy would get a good laugh over snack art, but really?! I'm just teaching them to pray before they eat and be thankful they have food on their plate when so many kiddos don't. Do I really need to cut their cheese into a festive collar and get the grape to magically stay in that gap in order for them to enjoy it? It seems a little excessive to me. Plus, am I the only one with a toddler that literally supervises my time in the kitchen? I'm lucky if I can prep a meal without a baby on my hip the whole time, I can't imagine if I was also plating like this. All my kids care about is getting to help me cook, sitting at the table all together to eat and getting meal time over with so can get back to playing. (Pin Win: meal ideas)

Get it together, people. First of all, I guarantee if you are reading how to flirt with your husband that when you try to execute the tips you are going to look ridiculous (just me?). Secondly, I have to believe that I will never get so out of touch with T that I forget how to connect with him. I don't want to say flirt because flirting is what I did when I was in middle school and judging by the amount of boys that dumped me for the girls that were willing to touch their PART, it didn't get me too far. I agree with the message behind this creepy pin, but you know your husband best. You know what you need to do, so do it. (Pin Win: date night ideas)

I can smell this coat from here. I don't even know what else to say. (Pin Win: I don't know, I'm too distracted by the fringe detailing!)

These are available for purchase on Etsy. I don't know what is more appalling. Wearing slippers that say "Hoochie Mama" on them or wearing maxi-pads on your feet....well really, wearing maxi pads anywhere at anytime other than after child birth (I still dream of that ice diaper...). I also want to know how the originator of the Maxi-Pad Slipper came up with this idea. Did they accidentally step on a pad? Was it just to irresistibly comfortable? I can't. (Pin Win: real red bottoms) 

I am ALWAYS up for seeing more Pin Sins, so feel free to share some with me! Until next time...

HAPPY NATIONAL MARTINI DAY!!!

Cheers! 

Choose love

I am freaking the F out.

My hubs and I are going to have our first kid-less weekend since baby boy was born almost 2 years ago (pouty mom post about kids growing up too fast to come, I’m sure). We had an overnight date in the ED recently, but T had a head injury so it was mostly spent worrying, sleeping (him, not me) and CT scans. His concussion did have him acting a little like he was drunk though, so I guess there was that date night similarity ;). The point is- WE GET 40 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED US TIME. Staycation, here we come!! There are about a million ways I could go from here, depending on what angle I’m looking at. Today, I am choosing to talk as…

her, the wife-

My hubs is ridiculous. I would choose him again a million times over and plan to choose him every day for the rest of our lives. Today I was running home on my lunch break to give him the car and see my fellas for a bit, so I asked if he would grab something for me to eat on the road. I get home and he had packed me a lunch complete with a GRILLED sandwich with all my favorites, strawberries AND chips and licorice ( Lord knows I would never allow myself to pack chips and candy for lunch because I like to fool myself into thinking I eat healthy…until I get home and start snacking while I make dinner). This is just one example of the sweet things he does for me that make me feel so blessed and so loved. I know he just grilled a sandwich…but seriously?! He lets me know how important I am to him in everything he does, even packing a lunch. Sometimes I see couples posting extravagant vacation pics and beautiful homes and I get a pang of jealousy. I would love to be going somewhere exotic this weekend or living in a big beautiful house with him. Then it hits me…building a life with someone is not glamorous, but it’s still romantic.

I keep hearing some version of “I just want someone that’s established,” or “I need to get everything in line first”. Every time I hear this, I cringe. I completely understand it and I think when it works that way, it’s a blessing. It’s not easy building a life with someone. It would be much easier to meet someone after you each individually successful. I just think building a life with someone is unappreciated these days. There is something so romantic about meeting someone at a difficult/inconvenient time in your life and just loving them so much that you decide to figure it out together…to be working your ass off to reach your dreams, side by side. Finding romance in a grilled sandwich or a bottle of $5 wine or in the moment the lady tries to tell the 2 bedroom apartment you’re looking at is really a luxurious unit because it has light fixtures. There is honestly nothing more romantic to me than a man that makes you breakfast in the morning after working all night instead of sleeping for the hour he has before the kids wake up. Of course, I think there are a million reasons to run if someone doesn't have their shit together by a certain age. I just urge you to listen to their story and look beyond their resume.

 “We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”

I read this quote the other day and was so taken by it. I see so many people, myself included, that expect so much of other people. For one, we expect them to be “established”. We also expect them to constantly be kind, understanding, patient, good drivers (just me?), in a good mood…the list can go on and on and on. We just expect them to be perfect, really. We either have no problem excusing our own faults or just don’t see them, but for some reason the faults in other people are glaringly obvious and largely unforgivable. If they don’t make enough money, they’re lazy or irresponsible. If you don’t, it’s the economy. If the waitress is slacking, she’s terrible at her job or not trying hard enough. If you’re struggling at work, you’re going through something or they gave you too much to do. You can give someone attitude, but when it’s returned they are rude. When she wears that dress, she’s trying too hard. When you wear it, you just felt like dressing up. If they wear crocs…okay, that one actually IS unforgivable. These are all things I've heard and/or I’m guilty of feeling at times. And don’t even get me started on mom frenemies! I could write an entire blog post on them…and probably will. The question is…why do we do this? Why do we ask for understanding and extend it to ourselves, but expect other people to be perfect and “established”. Whether T met me at age 23 or 40 or 65, I would still be a work in progress. Some parts of me will be better off at various ages…for example, my ass at 23 was IT, but hopefully my bank account will be IT at 40. Regardless, there will always be something that isn't perfect about another person. What about just making sure you are being the best you? What about making sure you’re established, so it doesn't matter as much where the other person is at? What about getting off your high horse and realize that you may have your ducks in a row, but you and your little ducks are always late and you were really rude to the server- two things that may be a deal breaker to the guy or girl that is still working on her bachelor’s degree and doesn't have a car. We just really need a dose of reality. No one is perfect. CHILL OUT.  It’s okay. Once you can accept that other people are as human as you, you can really start loving them. I wouldn't trade my grilled sandwich romance for the most extravagant mansion in the world. I will choose my flawed husband every day for the rest of my life and be so grateful if he chooses his flawed wife every day for the rest of his. Bottom line, choose love**. Always.

Cheers!

**I said, LOVE. If you are hanging with a man that isn’t showing his love for you in his actions (no, I don’t mean that action), then do not choose him. I repeat: DO NOT OVERLOOK THAT PART OF HIS RESUME. DO NOT CHOOSE HIM…more on that later. 

Warning Label

I did it.

I've been thinking about creating a blog for quite some time, but wrestled with a few reasons not to...

Time- this was a pretty easy fix. I just read a bunch of the motivational quotes I use to inspire me to exercise. They only work about 1/14th of the time when I use them for exercise, but they worked for this! More on that in another blog, I'm sure.

Offending someone- Okay I admit, this one I still worry about. I will begin by yelling from the rooftops that I am not claiming to have anything figured out. In fact, I sometimes leave the house with bad eyebrows and I recently read that someone with bad eyebrows shouldn't be trusted to give advice. I am not an expert in any field, especially life. None of us are. We are all trying our hardest to figure this thing out. We all have different priorities, beliefs, values, lifestyles...honestly, we are all just trying to live a life that is true to our souls and makes us happy. I am going to be opinionated on here (those of you that know me well are like, "duh."), but I also want it to be known that I am aware and respect that we aren't going to agree on everything. Odds are, I'm going to say something you don't like. Odds are, you've said things I wouldn't like either. Who cares?! The reason I've decided to look past my fear of offending someone is that, well..I know that my heart is in the right place. About 99% of the time, I'm not trying to hurt anyone. That other 1% is reserved for spiders and those inflicting harm on my babies or husband. Just like at happy hour with my girls I'll be a straight shooter, but I mean well and I'll also be the first to celebrate your wins (another round!) and soften your blows (make that two!). Oh...and I will probably cuss and talk about racy things...it's happy hour!

The point- I love writing. It's always been therapeutic for me (sorry for the novels, ex-boyfriends). I love yummy drinks and urge you to try some yourself. I LOVE girl talk, though I really need to think of a new name for that because I can't type it without seeing pink, doing a hair flip and extending the a. I love happy hour, which is really just the combination of yummy drinks and girl talk, but I don't get to go as much as I'd like to. Ultimately, it's because I feel like it :)

What to expect? posts about being her- about being a wife, mommy, step-mom, professional, student, friend, sister, daughter, ex-girlfriend, in-law, former server/bartender, dreamer, realist... the list goes on. I'll probably also post some quotes, pictures, links, recipes, reviews...anything you would talk about (say it with me) at happy hour.

I hope you enjoy reading. Cheers!