Choose love

I am freaking the F out.

My hubs and I are going to have our first kid-less weekend since baby boy was born almost 2 years ago (pouty mom post about kids growing up too fast to come, I’m sure). We had an overnight date in the ED recently, but T had a head injury so it was mostly spent worrying, sleeping (him, not me) and CT scans. His concussion did have him acting a little like he was drunk though, so I guess there was that date night similarity ;). The point is- WE GET 40 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED US TIME. Staycation, here we come!! There are about a million ways I could go from here, depending on what angle I’m looking at. Today, I am choosing to talk as…

her, the wife-

My hubs is ridiculous. I would choose him again a million times over and plan to choose him every day for the rest of our lives. Today I was running home on my lunch break to give him the car and see my fellas for a bit, so I asked if he would grab something for me to eat on the road. I get home and he had packed me a lunch complete with a GRILLED sandwich with all my favorites, strawberries AND chips and licorice ( Lord knows I would never allow myself to pack chips and candy for lunch because I like to fool myself into thinking I eat healthy…until I get home and start snacking while I make dinner). This is just one example of the sweet things he does for me that make me feel so blessed and so loved. I know he just grilled a sandwich…but seriously?! He lets me know how important I am to him in everything he does, even packing a lunch. Sometimes I see couples posting extravagant vacation pics and beautiful homes and I get a pang of jealousy. I would love to be going somewhere exotic this weekend or living in a big beautiful house with him. Then it hits me…building a life with someone is not glamorous, but it’s still romantic.

I keep hearing some version of “I just want someone that’s established,” or “I need to get everything in line first”. Every time I hear this, I cringe. I completely understand it and I think when it works that way, it’s a blessing. It’s not easy building a life with someone. It would be much easier to meet someone after you each individually successful. I just think building a life with someone is unappreciated these days. There is something so romantic about meeting someone at a difficult/inconvenient time in your life and just loving them so much that you decide to figure it out together…to be working your ass off to reach your dreams, side by side. Finding romance in a grilled sandwich or a bottle of $5 wine or in the moment the lady tries to tell the 2 bedroom apartment you’re looking at is really a luxurious unit because it has light fixtures. There is honestly nothing more romantic to me than a man that makes you breakfast in the morning after working all night instead of sleeping for the hour he has before the kids wake up. Of course, I think there are a million reasons to run if someone doesn't have their shit together by a certain age. I just urge you to listen to their story and look beyond their resume.

 “We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”

I read this quote the other day and was so taken by it. I see so many people, myself included, that expect so much of other people. For one, we expect them to be “established”. We also expect them to constantly be kind, understanding, patient, good drivers (just me?), in a good mood…the list can go on and on and on. We just expect them to be perfect, really. We either have no problem excusing our own faults or just don’t see them, but for some reason the faults in other people are glaringly obvious and largely unforgivable. If they don’t make enough money, they’re lazy or irresponsible. If you don’t, it’s the economy. If the waitress is slacking, she’s terrible at her job or not trying hard enough. If you’re struggling at work, you’re going through something or they gave you too much to do. You can give someone attitude, but when it’s returned they are rude. When she wears that dress, she’s trying too hard. When you wear it, you just felt like dressing up. If they wear crocs…okay, that one actually IS unforgivable. These are all things I've heard and/or I’m guilty of feeling at times. And don’t even get me started on mom frenemies! I could write an entire blog post on them…and probably will. The question is…why do we do this? Why do we ask for understanding and extend it to ourselves, but expect other people to be perfect and “established”. Whether T met me at age 23 or 40 or 65, I would still be a work in progress. Some parts of me will be better off at various ages…for example, my ass at 23 was IT, but hopefully my bank account will be IT at 40. Regardless, there will always be something that isn't perfect about another person. What about just making sure you are being the best you? What about making sure you’re established, so it doesn't matter as much where the other person is at? What about getting off your high horse and realize that you may have your ducks in a row, but you and your little ducks are always late and you were really rude to the server- two things that may be a deal breaker to the guy or girl that is still working on her bachelor’s degree and doesn't have a car. We just really need a dose of reality. No one is perfect. CHILL OUT.  It’s okay. Once you can accept that other people are as human as you, you can really start loving them. I wouldn't trade my grilled sandwich romance for the most extravagant mansion in the world. I will choose my flawed husband every day for the rest of my life and be so grateful if he chooses his flawed wife every day for the rest of his. Bottom line, choose love**. Always.

Cheers!

**I said, LOVE. If you are hanging with a man that isn’t showing his love for you in his actions (no, I don’t mean that action), then do not choose him. I repeat: DO NOT OVERLOOK THAT PART OF HIS RESUME. DO NOT CHOOSE HIM…more on that later.